Here's a first (Pauly -
10/6/01 @ 12:00 PM EDT)
Wow.....posting when I first get up. Usually I'm too brain dead to even form words at this point. But anyway, it's time to reverse the mood on this page a little bit. First off, yes I am feeling a bit better than I was when I made the previous posts. I'm not saying I'm not going to have any more relapses, but for now, I'm good.
Anyway, the Hokies play the Mountaineers today. This is sort of a split feelings time for me. On one hand, I go to Tech. On the other, I grew up in WV, was raised a Mountaineer fan, and I have a bunch of friends that go up there. Hmm. I wouldn't have any sidings on this game, except for the fact that West Virginia SUCKS ASS COMPARED TO TECH!!! Sorry guys. You all are a good team, and I hope you all kick ass the rest of the year. But today, you all are gonna bend over, kiss the grass below you, and get beaten like the collective red-headed stepchildren you are!
In other news, 9 days til 21, 4 days til Reel Big Fish/Goldfinger, and 5 days til I get my ass ripped on an electronics test. Hoohah!
Throw me a fucking bone (Pauly
- 10/3/01 @ 11:30 PM EDT)
Ok, here's the deal. Just give me the word, and I will pack up and fucking go away forever. It's becoming obvious that I don't fit in or belong here. I'm sure as hell not smart enough to deserve to be here. So if you want me gone, I will pack up and move back home and work at McDonald's or something for the rest of my goddamned life. That's gotta be better than sitting here alone in my dorm room in front of this goddamned machine all my life. Do I ever see anyone outside of this hallway? No. Is anyone's life lessened in any way because of this? No. I have no fucking purpose here other than to just be a drain on everyone else. That's what I feel like anyway. So just give me the word, and I'll just go. I'm not mad at anyone...this is my own goddamned fault. I'm the whiny little depressive bitch. I'm the one that needs to either grow up or get lost, and right now, option 2 is looking like the only possibility.
For those of you who haven't caught on already, I'm just venting right now. I know I'm exaggerating, and you don't have to take me seriously. Just right now I am tired of feeling so fucking inferior to everyone else. It's like there's this boat, and everyone has tickets to get on except me, and I just gotta sit on the shore and watch the boat float away, and listen to all the music and the cheering on it, for like as long as it takes to sail off over the horizon, except it never does. The boat is always out there, havin a good time while I have to just sit here and watch it, and I'm too fucking scared to just swim out to it, because it's just too far and too risky, and I already missed my one chance to get on, and I'll never get that chance again. I just have to sit and watch the boat, alone, until I just get sick of it and leave the shore forever, because that's all that's left to do.
I dunno....I guess that's about it in a nutshell right now. I don't know how many people read this, but if you do, you can think whatever you want to about me because of it. I'm done caring for the month.
I'm Cool (Pauly - 10/3/01 @ 8:00 PM EDT)
"You know I'm cool when all the guys wanna
be my friend
and every little girl here, they all wanna hold my hand...
...but there're so many fish in the sea, they all look like me.
I'm just a little tiny fish, that's all I'll ever be."
-Reel Big Fish
Yeah, that's about how I feel right now. I'm just here. I'm not outspoken. I'm not a center of attention. I'm just that guy that everyone walks by, says hey to, then just sorta forgets about. I know I really don't have anyone to blame but myself for that, but I dunno. Just once, it would be nice to get someone to come by just to visit me, not just smile and say hi as they go on hanging out with someone else. But don't take this as bitterness toward people with less popularity problems than me. I'm not angry or anything, and I don't think I'm really even sad about it right now, at least not too much. It's just, yeah, it'd be nice to be one of the cool kids (not meant sarcastically, so don't beat me up). Anyway, it's been a long but fairly good day. Got a less than desirable score on my signals test, but I can bring that up. Kicked ass on my statistics test today, which is good. Got my electronics homework done (aside from the PSpice shit), and actually am beginning to understand stuff in that class better it seems. So right now I'm just enjoying the first break I've had in a couple of weeks. I should probably be spending this time sleeping as I only got like 2 and a half hours of sleep last night, but for some reason I'm not much into taking naps early. Don't know why, but it always seems like whenever I do I wake up feeling like crap. So instead I'm probably just going to spend my evening watchin TV, playing games, and just being the lazy bum I'm so adept at being. Also, I'm going to start collecting pictures of people for the pictures section that I'm still procrastinating on. I've gotten a couple, and I have some older ones lying around, but if you have any new ones you want up just send them my way via whatever. Also, I might be making a trip up to Parkersburg the weekend after my birthday, so any Tech people that wanna come along and see the shithole I grew up in are more than welcome, and all the Parkersburg people can plan on being in town that weekend. Until then, good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.....yeah, I'm an anchorman! Suck it!
Blah (Pauly - 10/3/01 @ 3:00
Insomnia has set in, so it's update the webpage time. I think it was that pizza I had. My blood pressure is just way up there now, and it's keeping me from being unconscious. Anyway, today pretty much sucked. Went to my lab, which took forever because my lab partner isn't the brightest crayon in the box. Stared at my electronics homework for a while and eventually gave up, partly because PSpice is a pain in the ass, and partly because I'm dumb as shit and just flat out didn't understand it that well. But hopefully I'll be able to get a little more done on it in between classes tomorrow. I have a statistics test tomorrow, but I'm not too worried about it, unless my lack of sleep fucks me up with that. But right now, I just feel a bit lost as far as school goes. Maybe I'll reach an epiphany and start doing better, but only time will tell on that one. In other news, it's now just one week until the Reel Big Fish/Goldfinger concert, which goddammit I can't wait for. Then, its 21st birthday time. Hopefully then things will start to go better. But until then, blah.
I'm done (Pauly - 9/30/01 @
5:15 PM EDT)
Yeah, I tried to do some work today. I got a little bit of my electronics homework done, which is good I suppose. Got a bit stuck, but I have a few days to figure it out. Gotta do my lab report at some point, although whether or not that happens today is up for grabs. So yeah, I'm just completely unmotivated right now. In other news, the Hokies won yet again yesterday over UCF. I forget the score, but it was a scary first quarter, with UCF up 7-0. But then we just unloaded on them. I'm not a good sports commentator, so you can just go over to ESPN.com for all the details, but it was very pretty, except that our offense needs to work a little more on not dropping the ball. I went out to eat with my parents after that, then went over and watched Suicide Kings with Jaime, Eric, Krystle, and Brad over at Jaime and Martha's apartment. It was good - I personally didn't care much for the ending, but overall it was good. As for today, hopefully I can find some motivation so I don't fail out. But we'll see how it goes.